Are you a new practitioner in the area of couples therapy? If most of your therapeutic experience has been based around treating individuals, switching into the world of couples therapy (especially when complex issues like trauma are present) can be a big and often daunting step to take.
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Navigating Couples Therapy and Trauma
The reality is that while trauma is rarely the focus point in the space of couples therapy, it will still extensively play into how the couple will resolve other issues around their relationship. Find more on couples therapy and the impacts of ADHD here.
One of the first steps in navigating trauma in couples therapy is to know what you’re looking for. Understanding how previous trauma may impact communication skills, values, and beliefs around what a healthy relationship looks like is critical to making progress and providing effective couples therapy. The most commonly seen types of traumas you may come across when conducting couples therapy include:
1. Individual trauma
This is trauma mainly unrelated to the relationship issue. Individual trauma may be previous exposure to one-off traumatic experiences such as a car accident. However, it can also involve ongoing and complex traumas, such as experiencing neglect or abuse in childhood.
2. Relational trauma
A commonly seen type of trauma in couples therapy is trauma that directly relates to the relationship experience. This could be previous infidelity, betrayal, or prolonged conflict with the current partner or in previous relationships.
3. Secondary trauma
Secondary trauma (also referred to as vicarious trauma) is the trauma experienced as a result of witnessing or hearing about someone else’s trauma. This type of trauma can be prevalent in first responders, police or health care workers.
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Principles of Couples Therapy and Trauma
While there are many ways to go about supporting someone with trauma in individual therapy, the difference is that in couples therapy, the trauma is rarely the actual focus. The trauma is, instead, often a barrier to resolving other issues the couple experience in their relationship.
It is always helpful to encourage the individual directly affected by the trauma to seek individual counseling alongside couples counseling to help them work through the trauma and the effects of this. In the couples therapy space, there are, however, some fundamental principles that should be considered and used when working with a couple where trauma is present.
1. Safety first
Before you can begin therapeutic strategies, ensure physical and emotional safety. If domestic violence is present with the couple, address it immediately. You can't build therapy upon a foundation that is not safe. In these cases, you might collaborate with local resources to establish a safety plan for each partner.
2. Non-judgment
Coming to couples therapy can be challenging and daunting at the best of times. However, when trauma is present, there may be an additional layer of fear or shame present. Therefore, it is essential to take your time to build good rapport and trust with the couple while creating a non-judgmental space for them both to share.
3. Empowerment and choice
Trauma takes away control. Empower the couples coming for couples therapy to regain a sense of control. Offer them choices in what happens in therapy, where they sit, and what they wish to discuss. Getting them to take agency is excellent for building a safe space and leads to more ‘buy-in’ from both parties in the therapeutic process.
4. Trauma education
Educate couples on how trauma impacts their relationship. Explain its effects on the brain, emotional regulation, and attachment. Increased emotional literacy will also help them recognise and express feelings better. Check out this blog for an in-depth look at somatic experiencing exercises for trauma.
Trauma Coping Strategies for Couples
Once the above principles have been established, some core skills and strategies can be helpful to include early on in the therapeutic process. These include:
1. Grounding techniques
Stress, tension and trauma can contribute to a decreased ability to regulate emotions. Teaching the couple some basic grounding and relaxation techniques in session can help set them up for success. Controlled breathing, progressive muscle relaxation and different forms of grounding can be a great way to start and end the session.
2. Communication skills
Communication is key! Often, couples that come to therapy struggle with communication. However, where trauma is present, this may be even more obvious. A traumatised person may be easily triggered by changes in tone of voice, facial expressions and harsh language and may shut down or want to fight back when feeling threatened. Because of this, teaching the couple to practice active listening, paraphrasing, and expressing emotions devoid of blame is critical to a successful session.
3. Safety planning
Involve both halves of the couple in making safety plans where relevant. Have the two review the list of early warning signs, triggers, and interventions together. Make it a collaborative project, and wherever possible, ensure that the couple leaves with a written or printed version of the safety plan.
Remember, though, that safety plans are not static. Review them regularly during upcoming sessions.
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4. Self-care
Educate couples regarding self-care. Self-care is not selfish but crucial for resilience. The mind-body connection and its impact on their relationship can be discussed.
Encourage the couple to engage in pleasurable activities individually and as a couple. Ensuring they pick activities that are to their liking. Some individuals prefer journaling, others physical activities, and some may be into more creative pursuits.
Couples Therapy and Trauma Worksheets
Remember that healing is not linear, and the small steps count. Trust yourself and your clinical skills, stay attuned to the needs of your couple, and show up in every couple’s therapy session with humility and empathy. For a complete list of the questions commonly asked in couples therapy check out our practical blog here. What kind of questions are asked in couples therapy?
If you are looking for digital therapy resources, worksheets and templates to assist you in the successful delivery of couples therapy and couples counselling sessions, you can find our complete couples therapy worksheets mega bundle via the link below:
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Our couples counseling worksheets mega bundle has been developed for therapists and counselors working with couples or individuals facing relationship and communication challenges.
