Working with couples can be truly rewarding, however can present many challenges not faced in individual therapy. The ability to hold space for two individuals at the same time, moderate, and build equal levels of rapport and trust is not always easy, even for the most seasoned of therapists.
Shop our complete range of couples counseling worksheets here:
Questions Asked in Couples Therapy
(Please note that for many of these questions I would elicit feedback and responses from both people when asking (taking turns to answer the question).
Couples therapy questions to help elicit positive emotions:
- Tell me about how you met each other.
- Aside from looks, what did you find most attractive about them?
- What personal qualities did you most admire about them?
- What do you see as your partner’s greatest strengths and/or best personal qualities?
- What do the two of you enjoy doing together
To help clients reflect on their values and actions:
- What does a good wife/husband look like to you?
- Who do you want to be in this relationship?
- What do you find to be wrong with your relationship? How does your mood change when you get caught up in or dwell on these thoughts?
- What sort of personal qualities do you want to bring into your relationship?
- What character strengths do you wish to employ or develop?
- How do you want to behave or act in your relationship?
- If you asked your partner to describe you, what do you think they would say?
Couples therapy miracle question-based prompts:
I would first say the following to the couple to get them to reflect on a “perfect” scenario.
Imagine that you woke up tomorrow and a miracle had happened, and your partner suddenly turned into your perfect “soulmate” with no faults at all, no annoying habits, always there for you, able to meet your every need, want, and desire. If that happened, then how would you change?
- What would you stop, start, do more of and less of?
- What sort of partner would you try to become?
- What attitude would you cultivate towards your partner?
- How would you speak to your partner when you wanted something?
- How would you respond to your partner when they were in pain?
- How would you treat your partner when they made a mistake or screwed up?
- Is there a gap between the way you’d ideally like to behave as a partner and the way that you are behaving now? What is stopping you from living by your values right now?
To help couples reflect on D.R.A.I.N and negative behaviours:
- Do you find yourself often disconnecting from your partner (e.g. walking away in conversation or stop listening)? If yes, how do you do this?
- Do you ever react impulsively or automatically, without stopping to consider what you are doing (e.g. yelling, storming off, name-calling)? If yes, does this tend to help or hurt the situation?
- Do you find yourself trying to avoid or get rid of painful feelings regularly (e.g. avoid talking about issues, engaging in alcohol or substance use)? If yes, how do you do this?
- Do you ever feel trapped inside your own mind (e.g. through worry, playing through scenarios or catastrophizing)?
- What do you value as a person (e.g. being kind and caring, spending time with loved ones)? Do you feel like you live by these values in your relationship?
Browse our complete collection of couples therapy worksheets here:
Uncovering the Goals of Couples Therapy
Unpack how trauma can impact couples therapy sessions here:
The goals of couples therapy will differ from couple to couple, however there are certainly a few key themes I have seen in my own practice when it comes to the goal of couples therapy. Some common goals include:
- Resolving conflicts
- Improving intimacy in the relationship
- Identifying true problems in the relationship
- Improving communication (and to stop fighting!)
- Strengthening attachment while finding shared values and goals
Where do I start as a couples therapist?
As with individual therapy there are many different therapy modalities that can be utilised and helpful in couples therapy and all forms of relationship work. Some of the therapies you may come across and use in your work include:
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
- The Gottman Method
- Psychodynamic Couples Therapy
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
The truth is, there is no one way to provide truly impactful couples therapy, and in many instances, it is a matter of personal preference when deciding on a specific therapy modality to utilise.
More on couples therapy and the impacts of ADHD here:
Often it can be a great thing to start with what you know and are comfortable with.
If, for example, you often engage in ACT based work with individual clients, there are a great deal of ACT based strategies and tools available that have been adapted for relationship work as well.
There are so many aspects of couples counseling that are exciting and rewarding, and if you have just started working with couples, or you are an existing couple’s therapist looking for inspiration and new tools, then we have several relationship-based bundles available now in our store and via the links in this article.
Get our ACT for couples therapy worksheets here:
Our ACT worksheets for couples therapy have been developed to assist couples and individuals facing relationship and communication challenges and make the perfect resource for any therapist or counselor.
